Kittens and puppies

I feeling at a low ebb, the sinus infection getting more dominant. But I do feel a bit sorry for such a grumpy last post. Not that I'm a patch on some grumps on blogs but I can see that it is a slippery slope.

So for all those dozens reading my blog (me, me, me and me) here are some sites to cheer us up.

Library Cats
Kitten War
Cats in Sinks
30-Second Bunnies Theatre

Rant a doodle

I have been angry/grouchy about a few things lately. I was planning on a quick positive rant but for some reason it is much easier to rant about things that annoy rather than the positive stuff in life.

The weather, Grouch. Best girl friend is away on the other side of the world experiencing warmth and husband is about to head to the sun too. Not fair. I’m the one who likes it warm and sunny. Not to say they don’t too, but I’m the one staying behind. And I seem to have developed a sinus infection. Sore head, sore eye, and earache.

Forced to rant today, sadly by sheer exasperation at the stupidity of some people.

Found myself reading a ‘feminist’ blog today. The Hand Mirror describes itself as “a home for NZ women of a leftward and feminist perspective”. This post is anything but and it frightens me that this is from a woman who identifies herself as ‘feminist’.

For some reason the author of this piece wants us to believe that she is a feminist while at the same time denigrating other women, herself and her male date. She wants us to feel that she is part of the downtrodden masses because she is ‘forced’ to look a certain way and that is costing huge amounts of money.

This sort of 'social' event requires any woman attending it to look their hottest whether they are a staff member of the firm throwing the function or tagging along as a plus one. The female Suits need to look hot because they are competing against women whose primary job it is to look good. The plus ones need to look hot in order to justify their likely status as a financial dependent of the Suit they are attached to. My Suit paid the token amount for the cost of a plus-one ticket, thus I fell into the financial dependent category.

The blogger says that at this social event women are required to “look their hottest”. Hum, I wonder who “requires” them to look “hot”? Their male companions? Their bosses? One is not worth the time of day the other is sexual harassment. Who are the female suits competing against and why? Each other? Or the ‘dependent’ who has to look good for her male supporter? All the female suits I know look like suits. Neat and efficient. Amazingly most of them got their jobs because they were incredibly talented, not because the bosses wife didn’t dress as well as them. If your partner thinks of you in terms of how “hot” you look at the work dinner, then get rid of him. If you choose to buy into his expectations don’t whine about it.

My husband and I are inter-dependent. We share a bank account. He buys stuff, I buy stuff. He makes money, I make money. We try not to grumble at the other’s excessive spending habits too much, and the dogs always get fed.

Tummy sucking in underwear also required to avoid VPL (visible panty line) and wobbly bits flopping about because close-fitting dress fabrics are uncompromising on any obvious body flaws. Pantyhose are another must-have in chilly Auckland weather.

Is she trying to be funny. Auckland in winter so cold you need to wear pantyhose? Give me a break. Move to Dunedin. Tummy sucking underwear? Lucky for me I’ve read Bridget Jones Diary so I know no-one still thinks these things are real. Buy a dress that fits.

The Suit was overjoyed to hear a female Suit at the table tell me that she had tried on the same dress but it didn't look as good. I didn't have the heart to tell him that she had just put me down for wearing a cheap dress.

Now this is totally bizarre. I hadn’t realised that every time I compliment another woman on her appearance I am actually giving a snide put-down. I thought I was being nice!

This is so sad. This young woman is so insecure in herself that she has to go to extraordinary lengths to impress people and can’t accept a compliment. And yet she thinks she is a feminist. Not sure where she got that idea. Maybe it is cool in her set to say “I’m a feminist” without being really sure what it means. Like ‘girl power’ which seems to mean saying you can do anything while still acting as if life revolves around what men want. The Spice Girls were supposed to represent ‘girl power’ but to me they were stereotype male wet dreams. Music videos with slutty teen girls singing about sex aimed at 12 and 13 year olds. Society now says be a feminist, be a strong girl, but you have to look hot and getting a man and keeping him is still your most important goal. At least when I thought that I never tried to convince myself that it was some feminist ideal.

The footnotes make interesting reading too.

* Sometimes I wonder to myself whether I should just 'let myself go' and take up recreational drugs because it is a far cheaper habit but I actually enjoy getting all dolled up and wearing pretty dresses more.
** Based on the fact the Suit already had necessary items in wardrobe and likely to rewear them on a regular basis.
*** Which I blame Brazil and the porn industry for.

* If I like dressing up, and by crikey I do, I do it because I want to. If I spend excessive amounts of money on it, that is my choice. I’m not going to blame the system or society. I have a choice. If your date ‘expects’ you to look a certain way then maybe your or his expectations on what a relationship is all about need to be reassessed. Don’t whine about spending shit loads on straightening your hair and buying support knickers and waxing your body hair. I bet he would have been just as pleased if you’d shown up in the dress you wore last time you went out. We are creators of our own problems sometimes.

** Some of the women I most admire as powerful corporate women have very small wardrobes and would be astounded to think that they had to buy a new outfit to wear to the work dinner. They buy a few, very classy, outfits and wear them as required.

*** If you want to wax the hair off your arse don’t blame anyone else. Tell him to get a 12 year old girlfriend (and go to jail) if he wants to have sex with hairless girls. Real men love real women (or men). Or if you like the hairless look, ask him to get his balls and arse waxed too. But don’t blame someone else because you, an adult who can think and reason, have decided to wax every crack and fanny.

This young woman can afford to spend $500+ on one night out. That makes her part of a fairly privileged few. She must have an income, and a pretty good one and that implies a professional job. So we're not considering the plight of a poor, uneducated, downtrodden housewife here but an educated, articulate, employed woman. I don't have any sympathy for her, and I feel horror at her attitude that it is somehow the man's fault that she ‘has’ to spend all this money. If he wants to take you out and you want to buy a new dress, wonderful. If you go to these functions regularly and can’t afford a new outfit every time then ‘invest’ in a great outfit you can wear to many functions. If he complains about your appearance tell him you can’t afford to dress expensively or tell him to take a flying fuck.

If you are going to buy into that ‘scene” then again, it is your choice. If your partner became involved in a certain lifestyle after your relationship was well established, and they expected you to be part of that scene too, then you might have a claim. Especially if their wealth exceeds yours or you are financially dependent on them. But honestly, who wants to look hot? You do. He probably loves you for your personality and the way you can subtly put people down when seeming to compliment them.

But for sheer arrogance this sentence in the first paragraph really says it all.

…it isn't cheap nor easy to be a good-looking woman…

Oh you poor wee beautiful thing. My heart is breaking that you feel that if you weren’t so pretty life would be a little bit easier and cheaper. Thank god I’m an old and ugly man hater and don’t have to stress over being a good-looking woman. This comment is right up there with the misogynist male asserting that I’m a feminist because I can’t “get a man”.

Then this comment was made recently.

I think there's a gap between many second wave feminists' approach to appearance and that of younger ones.

Not sure if I really get what the point is. A lot of ‘modern’ feminists think that all feminists of the 70s wanted women to wear sack cloths as a protest against objectification. Not true. Look at Susan Faludi, Gloria Steinman, Marcia Gillespie, etc. I think feminists want women to be themselves and not feel that they need to appear in a certain way. And we certainly want women to look at what they do objectively. There are some sections of society where looking a certain way is all important. We don’t have to be part of that society, but if we do choose to then that is our choice.

Most of us just enjoy being who we are. Love ourselves for it and love, and are loved by, our friends for who we/they are.